By Nancy Levant, contributing writer for geoengineeringwatch.org
Soon I will be turning 60, and I cannot help but recall my mother’s words when she told me she felt as if she had outlived her understanding of how the world worked. She was in her eighties when she explained this sadness, and I felt this must surely be a common feeling in eldership, and I felt deeply sorry for her. Little did I know that I would feel much the same at sixty.
I grew up in a time when kids left the house at 8:00 a.m. and stayed outside all day minus the run-ins for lunch and dinner. We rode bikes everywhere and miles and miles from home. We went trekking through miles and miles of woods and tried to get lost so that we could make our ways back with tremendous pride in our outdoor skills. We made creek rafts out of sticks and leaves, climbed every climbable tree, and we made forts out of deer thickets and snow.
We lived for the storm systems to roll in and ran with careless abandon beneath thunder and lightning and relished in every snowfall that had us dragging sleds up gigantic hills over and over and over again. We were never too wet or too cold. We were outdoor kids. We loved mud, heat, bugs, frogs and toads, and we knew every critter in the woods. We knew the names of most trees, shrubs and flowers because our parents knew them, and we could name most insects and birds.
I never had my own phone, computer or TV set. I had a bicycle and friends who only and ever wanted to be outside. To stay home and watch TV meant punishment. To talk on a telephone was boring. To be outside was heaven, and I can still smell every season in my memories, remember visionary skies of my youth, the terrible annoyance of and fascination with insects, and the utter joy of the mass bird migrations during the Fall season; so many birds that from horizon to horizon the ground would turn dark beneath millions of birds in flight. And when they would land to rest and feed, the noise! Trees would come alive with such loud vocalizations that you couldn’t hear your friends sitting next to you. Every telephone wire for as far as the eye could see was covered with birds; every rooftop, every puddle alive with migratory critters, and this teaming of life brought everyone out of their houses to take it all in. Everyone used to enjoy the fall migrations, everyone, because it was part of the beauty and meaning of autumn.
During the warm months in the evenings and prior to air conditioning, screens were on all doors and windows, which were always open and, once the sun set, every kind of insect you can imagine would end up enjoying the porch and indoor lights by resting on the house screens. They covered, literally covered the screens. I hated June Bugs because you had to fight them to get into the house without 50 of them coming in with you. Flies were horrible and we simply lived with them with fly swatters in nearly every room. Back then there were absolutely amazing moths of every color, size and shape, and they were beautiful albeit annoying. During that time Luna Moths were often seen and they were magical, almost fairie-like. Equally, bees and butterflies of every color imaginable, size and shape were simply a part of every flower and vegetable garden. And the night time was loud, very loud, with the sounds of frogs, crickets, cicadas, and other insects; it was the sound of summer nights, and the grass was wet, soaking wet with dew all the way into morning where insects and birds drank from the blades of grass and swarms of gnats followed you especially in the mornings. There was so much life, and it all made sense and defined every season. It was a blessing to see it all, to smell each season and the creatures that lived their lives to such extraordinary purposes; to hear their voices, the screeching, the bass tones, the chirping; to hear and catch a cricket or a cicada. There was so much motion and sound; so much life.
I don’t know when I first noticed the aerial spraying. I was late, very late, in finally realizing something was wrong with the sky, but I noticed the lessening of insects, birds and amphibians a long time ago. For many years I thought it was weed killers. Then I thought it was water pollution; then Monsanto. When I finally learned about “chemtrails”, I knew—immediately—why these creatures had disappeared. Years later, I knew why birds were dropping dead out of the skies, why Lady and June Bugs were gone, and why fireflies were disappearing. To my horror, I finally realized why the bird migrations had all but ceased and why 20 years ago Cornell University’s Ornithology Department was asking children all over the U.S. to feed, count and identify birds at their feeders. Birds were dying.
Today there are no migrations minus small groups of ducks and geese. There are next to no moths, butterflies or any insects for that matter minus a few flies and moths, Japanese beetles, and what may be genetically modified mosquitoes.
Ponds and many bogs are silent. Evening doors are no longer covered with bugs, and I never heard one cricket this fall, not even one. I cannot explain the depth of my heart sickness, because my childhood memories no longer exist in the real world. And, having written this piece, I understand my mother’s terrible sadness of outliving what she knew, what made sense in her life. I do not know how to make sense of the perpetrated murder of nature. I can’t even wrap my brain around the immorality, the criminality of such abject insanity that kills; no, murders everything it touches. All I know is, in humanity’s ever-increasing ill-health, there will be a great reckoning, and to all of us older ones who know, who comprehend such profound loss; our world dies before our eyes; a wholly unnatural order. This sadness, the grief, is quite simply beyond words.
34 Responses
So…I began seeing chem trails about 3 years ago when I was driving accross the north state CA valley to and from a CNA class.I could not believe the stuff in the sk y. No one else was noticing. ..to this day only 1 or 2 people i know are. One who lives on 10 Acres in the gold country saysn for the first time since he owned the place there is no LIFE in his pond! I noticed on July 4th evening that it was excessively quiet out side. I just thought the neighbrorhood was quiet, no firecrackers, etc. When my friend later told me of his qxuiet pond, I realized why my house was so quiet that night. NO CRICKETS!!!! It is now 10 dAys later and we’vE had veŕy hot temps down to normal. NO CRICKETS AT ALL..SO VERY Earie. Never had no crickets….
Thank you for making me feel like I'm not so alone. I was so sick at heart when I found out about the destruction of all life from these endless chemtrails over our heads. I contacted my representatives, and not one responded. Then I gave up, and it broke my heart and spirit. I thank God I'm 61 and not young. What a hell they have made of this world!
I can so relate to this post, I remember summers full of insects. I don't know when the last time I had a fly in my house, or a bee in my yard. I live on a creek in Sacramento, CA and have for almost 5 years. When I moved here there were all kinds of life, squirrels, skunks, possum, ducks, rats, egrets and many types of birds. Today as I look, many are just plain GONE. I don't see the migrating birds anymore. The nights are very quite here too, which saddens my heart immensely. Many people look at me like I need a tin fold hat, but I know what life was in my youth and I know it's NOT here now. I see Mother Earth dieing and my heart is very sad.
Feeling pretty hopeless here lately…it just seems to be getting so much worse in spite of everyone’s efforts. Surely there is something more radical that can be done? Anyone??
Feeling pretty hopeless here lately…it just seems as though none of this is enough, or maybe it’s too far along in the game. Surely there is something more radical we can do??? Anyone???
Hello Patricia, hang on to hope. Remember, all we have to do is put a “crack in the dam” of silence on this issue, thats all. Many more know about the climate engineering than meets the eye. When we rearch critical mass, the dominos of the insanity will begin to fall, wait and see.
What a wonderful and heartening articulation of deep sadness, loss and frustration that there is nothing we can do. I am 55 and live in the north east in the “woods.” I have loved all my life going out at night into the woods, hearing moose in the hemlocks and coyote in the distance.
This winter, the spraying has been so intense that even when I go out at night I can see planes crossing the sky back and forth…..and these are not the friendly over to Europe planes that I always would wave to. and with the recent activities and storms these past few weeks, I have also smelled exhaust and a funky mold smell. I am so so so sad. But like other writers, friends have dismissed my concern too “oh those are con-trails.” I am also a founder and director of a watershed organization and so I have asked my science buddies to help with sampling of this snow and we are currently on a winter campaign to collect snow from around northern New England. this feels so futile but we cannot give up. slowly I am just trying to say to neighbors and friends, look up and speak out. if enough folks finally actually SEE what is going on, then we can join together to demand the ceasing of this poisoning.
I hope.
today another huge storm blew through and left NEw England below zero but with blue skies and no nasty smells. I couldn’t care less that it was 10 below zero because to be outside again in BLUE SKY and NO SMELL was just so wonderful….one tiny day at a time, one person at a time we must speak up, we must demand the cutting of emissions and we must advocate for CLEAN AIR and CLEAN WATER NOW.
Nancy your beautiful article was so touching. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. it has helped me today as I’m feeling especially desolate about all the beautiful things we are losing. I am 52 and also have wonderful memories of that outdoor world of childhood, the sights, the smells, the creatures. I live in a beautiful part of England, UK in the countryside and can no longer take enjoyment in it’s beauty because all I see are the unnatural criss-crossed or lined skies, which turn grey or milky white by noon. I feel isolated in having nobody who believes me or sees what is happening to talk about this with, except my dear old 79 year old mum who sees it all too well and despairs as I do.
I drove home today and this well known song by Eva Cassidy came on the radio and I heard it with a new meaning and it was almost too much to bare, but maybe give also goes give hope.
Somewhere over the rainbow way up high
There’s a land that I heard of once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true
Someday I’ll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That’s where you’ll find me
Somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow. Why then, oh, why can’t I?
If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow why, oh, why can’t I?
Thank you Nancy for that beautiful piece. I often think of the story of the frog in a slowly heating pot of water unaware it is about to boil to death. So many can not see the changes because they have been occurring gradually over a period of years.
We truly live in a “Brave New World”. People have been conditioned to see the world as a collective (linked via social media) and are technologically orientated (glued to their TVs, tablets and smart phones) obsessed with Twitter, FB etc. The author Neil Postman referred to this as a socio-technologic society. It’s amazing how spot on these two authors envisioned the future.
I often wish I could transport back in time with evidence from the present and some how prevent our current trajectory. But this is an impossible dream. Present day, very few people seem to spend time in nature. How right you were about the difference between then and now, playing outdoors and having only one TV in the house. The majority of people have forgotten or are too young to know nature and recognize that all is not well.
Thank you for a beautiful and thought-provoking article! In 1996, I first noticed a small chembow. In 2011, I started taking pictures of the spraying in the skies. That summer I was at Torch Lake, Michigan, and witnessed a beautiful morning with a sunny day forecast be blasted to hell by jet after jet spraying over the area. Soon there was a terrible storm. I have the pictures in a Facebook album. In May 2013, I was with my 3 year old grandson in the backyard blowing bubbles when the spraying commenced over Genesee County, Michigan, and I could literally smell the chemicals. I felt guilty having my grandson outdoors. In 2003 when we moved in this house, we would sit at night on the deck and listen to the pond creature cacophony. No longer happens. My 91 year old mother has noticed the spraying and now my husband, but every other person I have mentioned this to either eye rolls or doesn’t want to think about it or is buying into the disinformation campaign. I’ve become disheartened that it will ever be stopped. Now in main stream media, I’m seeing reports that suggest they need to spray clouds to reduce global warming. It’s a disaster if not an outright global extinction event!
Ms. Levant,
Since writing a comment yesterday we have been scrutinizing our environment for bird life. We should see them everywhere. But two crows and a roadrunner in several hours is it. A cow died almost four weeks ago and after reading your article it struck us: we have not seen a single vulture, crow, raptor or magpie on that carcass. Coyotes yes, birds… no. Getting very alarmed here in southern AZ on the spine of the continental divide which should be rife with bird life.
This poignant account of life on our beautiful planet has shaken us for days.
We live in southern AZ in a corridor famed for bird migration – a destination for birdwatchers among “snowbirds” wintering over. We live outdoors working on our ranch and we NEVER see flocks of birds. We live in the wilderness too. A bird here, two there, an occasional song. Never flocks flying over.
Now I’ve taken to asking friends in various parts of the country when they last witnessed a mass migration. The ply one who remembers a date put it at 1976.
This is hideous. Thanks to the author for exposing this (and I’m going on 59 – I hear you about how radically things have changed).
Go Dane, keep up the excellent work.
Ms. Levant,
Thank you for putting into words what a wonderful world we were blessed to grow up in. My recently deceased wife and soul mate always used to say we grew up in the best of times. I too remember monarch butterflies and bluebirds and playing six hour long baseball games. I remember camping out in woods and the smell of bacon and eggs over an open campfire. We carried an official Boy Scout penknife for protection from any dangerous “critters” but usually the only critter that bothered us were the daddy long leg spiders who seemed to like to walk across our eyelids when we were asleep. As I sit here looking out my window, the trails are starting again. By this afternoon the skies will be a metal gray. I don’t know when things started to go wrong. As a Christian I think back to June 17th, 1963 as a major factor, when God was removed from our schools. We are headed down a dark deep path environmentally, economically and ethically. Each morning I write my Janet a note. I tell her I miss her. I only want to be with her. But I am glad she is in heaven and not here. I tell people to look up, look around and look inside but most people only look at me like I am a crazy old man. Thank you again for bringing back fond memoires of when life was good.
Nancy Levant…your composition is immensely powerful. With the utmost simplicity and purity, you have conveyed the essence of the dissonance that is raging through so many of us who cannot fathom the cannabalism of nature. I, too, am nearly 60 and spent most of my life in your shoes, hoofing the outdoors. To be witness, now, to perhaps the greatest atrocity in history is, as you've said, quite simply beyond words…although somehow, you found them to tell the horror story that is called geoengineering. Thank you for turning your fractured heart inside out.
Thank you for capturing so beautifully the enormous and profound loss of the richness of life we see taking place. My thoughts and experiences exactly. I live in LA near Griffith Park. They spray directly I over my house most every day. The birds no longer wake me up in the morning. There are those “chemical cow webs ” on plants , flowers and my organic garden. The orange tree decades old for the first time gave very little fruit and the sun now singes the plants… Even cacti and succulents that withstand desert temps normally. But … Like many I keep talking about it and posting things on Facebook and I have got some people to open their eyes and at least consider that something is not right. I have faith and optimism that all the good people here will make a difference in our communities and momentum will build. We just have to take action in our sphere of influence. Thank you again for your inspiring words!
I have been following the chemtrail plague for several years now, with growing horror and alarm. In my home state of New York, I see the crap constantly being pumped into our beautiful upstate skies. It has made me more and more upset and despairing. I know that this is going on all over the world, but I am right now in Cuenca, Ecuador and have been in the country for about a week now. Guess what? I have not seen a SINGLE chemtrail in the sky since I’ve been here–not anywhere. In Cuenca, the skies are bright blue and the clouds look normal! This is an incredibly beautiful country, and perhaps Ecuador is one island of normalcy in our increasingly crazy, psychopathic world.
Nancy, that was so beautifully put, we all feel your pain… especially those of us who share your memories.
I will turn 60 on the 1st day of Spring. All my life, Spring has come as a precious, revitalizing gift. Life bursts forth, the birds erupt in song, trees bud, flowers bloom… all is beautiful. This scene is becoming less and less the case. Fewer birds, less green grass on the hills, less definition between the seasons.
Because I am so attached to Spring and the new beginnings it brings, I have always relished the outdoors and have had the great fortune to spend the vast majority of my life there, both in the wilderness and my own yard/garden in town. On February 7th I went outside to discover, to my utter dismay, Spring had sprung. The snow was melting away, now down to only patches, the red-winged blackbirds were chortling their hearts out and the rest of my garden birds were immersed in a cacophony of song. As I stood there in shorts and a tee shirt, in nearly 60 degree weather, my heart was breaking. This normally joyous moment was occurring a full month and a half early.
I live above 5,000 feet… near a ski resort in the Northern Rockies of the USA. We should be thigh deep in snow right now, and having sub-zero temperatures. This is the third year in a row for minimal snow, above normal temps and an early Spring. Each year the migratory birds, such as the blackbirds, have arrived earlier and earlier. This year I have counted at least 4 species that arrived grossly early… more than a month. Robins, finches, blackbirds and cedar waxwings have visited my yard already. Last Spring the Canadian Honkers migrated north very early… they never made the return trip. I will be listening for them now, even though it’s too early, and I can only pray I hear them again.
How is it possible that this is not seen and understood by all? How can people not be aware of the monumental changes taking place right in front of our faces, not to mention the impact on the future of our biosphere? Alas, I fear that far too many have lost their connection to nature and, in so doing, are now blind to the truth being revealed every hour of every day… that our biosphere is crashing. The ultimate reality that needs to come home to folks is “no biosphere… no life” and, until the magnitude of our situation slaps them upside the head, they will continue to wear blinders, dragging their wagons of illusion behind them.
Thank you Nancy, for sharing the truth in your heart… you have touched many who care and, in so doing, have given new hope (to me at least) that our numbers ARE vast and we DO have the capacity to wake the others by touching their hearts with the gift of Nature, a gift we have always known.
Deepest Gratitude…
Laura Marinangeli
I became 60 in december , and once the illusion lifted to reveal this life , is when the sadness and loss the understanding that my grandchildren will not know ,potentially , anything of the enormity of loss happening as they are in a way to young ,it is almost unbearable that i will have to leave them when my time is up , danes words are so poignant, there is no more to said.
Nancy….Your article reduced me to tears in a way that I haven’t allowed myself to feel but that has been underneath much of my extreme concern about this geoengineering issue. Like you, my childhood was primarily set in the outdoors….I related with sorrow and with joy to so much of what you so eloquently wrote. It hit me so hard that it will be a while until I will want to reread it. My childhood too, was so full of relationships..but not just with people, but with the wind, the trees, the smells, the weather. And it smelled GOOD, and it felt GOOD. And it din’t have the look or the feel or the sadness of partial death or dying that a walk outside now has. This crime of geoengineering is a crime of madness…of death to all…And now, with the geoengineering warming the Arctic Shelf. the toxic Methane has the potential to finish the job…We NEED to do EVERYTHING that we can…speak, write. Time is NOT on our side…We all need to double up our efforts.
Please speak out to officials and representatives about ongoing climate engineering programs! If you for some reason can’t write your own letter, we have formatted one that can be sent quickly and easily. Simply open the below attachment, add your name and date in which you want a response by, and send! Our world is meaningless without the ecosystems that are currently being decimated.
https://onedrive.live.com/redir?page=view&resid=743CAF6E3757220A!106&authkey=!AOBPWIMSMewJXrY
Nancy, I am 34 years old and understand completely how you feel. This moved me on such a profound level. I have wept over the sadness of loss I have felt over this very realization, I have wept for my memories, for the loss of the earth I knew and for my young son who will never know. I hold on for hope that it will return, which is why I dedicate much of my free time to raising awareness on this very issue, but I am often overwhelmed by feelings of it being too late. Thank you for this, for sharing your feelings. I hope that someday this deep sadness can be lifted. Solace only comes from action.
Nancy, you expressed so well what I, too, feel. It’s frustrating when I I speak with some people who I grew up with about the reality of weather engineering/chemtrails, etc. I’m amazed when so many tell me ‘it’s always been like this.’ To myself, I wonder, ‘what world did you grow up on?’ And, yet, I know complete denial is much easier for some than to admit the awful truth. I’m 58 and my mother is 80. WE both know the truth and anguish over the destruction freely taking place globally.
A very touching portrayal of things which are all watching (also on other continents), who have already spent a few decades on this globe and are informed about certain things.
This raises once more the question of how long we will still allow this implementation of grave mental illness on the part of only a few life-disprizing crackpots.
No one has the right to gradually kill humans, animals, nature and to finally destroy the whole planet.
These insane mummies à la Soros etc., who still dominate world affairs, should continue their despicable acts in another galaxy (no, better not).
We are probably still too nice, too subtle, too friendly, complain mainly on the internet. This is probably exactly what the rulers prefer.
To move the protest into the streets is a step that certainly creates more discomfort for them.
The entire population of a country can meanwhile not be put on a black list (of an anyway extreme mafia elite, which belongs in principal on the electric chair, according to their own rules and standards).
Greg Pallen and Marylou Harris have introduced a complete new standard with their action in front of The Weather Channel Headquarters on 1/26/2015.
Actions of this dimension should take place much more frequently, as they have a very different effect. It is not virtual any longer – it is REAL…..!
No one has the right (also not a life-despising money sack called Evelyn de Rothschild) to extinguish such a tremendous amount of life at all levels.
It’s helpful to know that there are others who understand this deep deep grief and sense of loss. Thank you.
Wow. This is very moving, especially the ending. My mom has always talked of the days she was growing up when everything had a natural aroma, nature as so lush, being outside was safe and being indoors was, like Nancy said, punishment. How beautiful those memories sound to me, I’ve never experienced it in my generation. I’m in my twenties but I know too that the planet is dying. Even though I didn’t get to know it while it was still pristine, the changes I’ve observed in the last couple years alone are profound.
Discovering these programs has turned our lives upside down and personally, it’s changed me in the necessary ways I needed to evolve. It’s the worst yet (in a way) best revelation I’ve ever made, because having total awareness of the times we’re living in, that time is running out, I appreciate nature, life and my loved ones so much more. I guess it’s something you don’t really realize until it’s time to face your own mortality, unfortunately.
To say this is all scary and depressing are severe understatements for trying to articulate something which we’ve never experienced in this lifetime like near term extinction or the death of the planet.
Maybe if everyone took the necessary ‘time out’ in solidarity for all of Earth’s dying creations, to grieve, to spend every second with those we love, maybe there’s still hope to turn things around.
I am 65 years old. I too Nancy, relate to this on a very deep level. I watched after geoengineering started in Northern California over Siskiyou County the gradual, but persistent decrease in life. Year after year, before I knew why, the bats that use to be so prevalent dipping and swirling in the air gradually but consistently ceased to exist. The amazing insect and frog life stopped. I believe what hurt me the most, was watching my grove of Juniper Trees slowly become sick and start to die. Junipers, were to me, the essence of strength. Through drought, wind, harsh winters and sometimes brutality hot summers, they stood with their gnarled dignity. When geoengineering started to make the Juniper trees sick and kill them, I succumbed to a numbing grief. The geoengineers are creating a planet that cannot support life. A planet that cannot support love. As Cori Gunnells stated, “The toll that’s taken place, is significant beyond words.”
Very well said and written. I try to subside my anger, but it is not easy. Flagstaff area is my home. For three days now it has been clear blue sky, and unseasonably HOT. Pine cones falling from all the trees. What will tomorrow bring? I work part time in a gas station convenience store, and try to spread the word as gently as I can. One out of ten are aware. Maybe it’s all the crap they eat dumbing them down. That’s another story, or is it? Part of elites devious plan to wipe us out? Although it’s a beautiful day today, can’t help think about how much chemical crap is floating around in the forest, and what tomorrow will bring. Know it is not good for my psyche, but I’m angry. God Bless
great words i feel the same way.please take a look on my timeline about morgellons see what you think (vic k williamson) please share on facebook
Dear Nancy, I was born in June, 1950 and I related throughout your story! It was every bit the same for we kids in Ohio, and to see the awesome beauty of this planet all being destroyed by a psychopathic small group who extort OUR money to do all this damage (insult to injury), there really are hardly words invented to describe the devastation happening in our hearts as we helplessly watch it all happen every day in horror. Thank you for sharing that wonderful ‘reality check’ story. May we never forget that beauty of old, and vow to help it return one day.
dont give up… so many of us know just what you are talking about… we still MUST try to stop this,to raise awarness… take heart, you are doing such a good job of helping us all to help the world we knew, know, and still love. blessings.xx
thanx Dane. It is sad to know our children’s children will not know what colour the sky is supposed to be. It seems like we on the west coast are on the leading edge of this awful experiment. Is it just me, or is there a blockage in the Pacific weather running from Hawaii to Alaska?
Great article, and this perfectly describes how changed the earth is, and brings attention to the lack of insects. Humans are arrogant, and many don’t understand the “canary in the coal mine” theory.
The smallest creatures are the beginning of the food chain, and once they have disappeared, so eventually all life with follow.
Thank you for sharing your memories, as they are smiliar to mine.
Just a few of the things I miss:
The warmth of a golden sun
Butterflies
Birds singing
Water that has a natural sweetness
normal seasons
puffy white clouds against a deep blue sky
And yes, even the annoying flies that failed to show last summer.
To the scientists and leaders:
Why have you chosen to destroy this beautiful blue planet with your “Climate Engineering” ?
Nancy Levant, I too am almost 60. I relate to everything you said so strongly, that I could have written it myself. Except not nearly as beautifully!
Nancy Levant, that was a beautifully written piece. I share your memories, and your despair. It motivates me to do all I can. The toll that’s taken place is significant beyond words.